How does gravity work?

Little is know about gravity.  Gravity is much like a mob boss.  You can see the effects around you, but it is hard to figure out exactly who or what is behind it.  Carrying the analogy further they are also both illegal.  For example, a mob boss kills people (well he just calls the hits; so lets say mob bosses commit tax evasion, that one will stick).  Gravity on the other hand is  in clear violation of the laws of thermodynamics. 

I could find no clues as to who Mr. Thermodynamic was, but I will call him Joe.  One of Joe's laws is the conservation of energy.  This law says that energy can't just come from nowhere.  Joe evidently was a democrat and realized that this law was essential to give the government the ability tax us hard working people for making use of gravity. 

After "The Law of Conservation of Energy" passed, gravity stuck it to the man and continued to give it's energy away for free.  Gravity has been using energy to accelerate mass everywhere at varying rates; at the surface of the earth the rate is about 9.81 m/s^2.  In fact gravity's energy distribution model appears to have no identifiable source, and yet it never wavers.  (I wonder what a rolling gravitational black out would look like on the 6 0'clock news, but I guess we would never know unless it somehow affected Paris Hilton.)

Anyway, based on observations there is no known other source of energy to cause this force and the earth is not loosing any mass to generate the energy needed for this gravitational acceleration.  The actual mass loss needed to fuel gravity can be calculated using Einsteins equation F=ma, or was it e=mc^2; well, odds are you would need them both to get the answer, might even need this one F=M1*M2/d^2.  Theres more if you need them, I've got plenty. 

Black holes ( if they exist) are an interesting case study for this point.  The more gravitational energy they exert, the faster they should lose weight.  Black holes can never form as a result if you are willing to fudge some numbers.  So what is the super dense thing at the center of the galaxy, my bet is its a politician, or even a bunch of them.  A galactic congress could fit...

We may never know how gravity works, but until the laws change, we assume it is working here illegally. 


Note.  Rumor has it that President G.W. Bush of the U.S.A. had plans drawn up to attack Nature so the US could claim sovereignty and rewrite the laws of nature, or at least install a democracy.  However, after failing to find it on a map, Iraq was targeted instead.  As a result the price of  gravity is the same, and gas sells for over $3.00 per gallon.  And people say the war is a bad thing, just imagine what might have happened if he had found the primary target.