How is sea level determined?

Sea level is determined by the magic of time averaging.  If I recall correctly this is done by math.  GPS receivers and transmitters are distributed over the oceans based on surface area.  The Pacific Ocean gets 162, one for each million square kilometers, the Atlantic Ocean gets 82, Indian - 73, Southern - 20, and the Arctic - 14.  It is important to note that using the numbers based on the square kilometers, not square miles will yield the metric sea level. 

Originally the GPS devices were attached to plastic floaty things.  But these are not biodegradable, and many people complained.  As a result now days scientists have moved to biodegradable materials, namely the skinned carcases of clubbed baby seals.  Visit this link for a shirt to protest clubbing baby seals.  All the results from the seals are compiled and averaged, giving an accurate measure of sea level. 

NOTE:  The sea level seems to be rising, there are several theories.  First, it is melting ice caps due to global warming.  Second, thermal expansion of water, again due to global warming.  Third, it is all in your head caused by delusion brought on by, you guessed it, global warming.

It is also important to note that "sea" level is actually "ocean" level.  Sea's vary in their height.  For example, the Mediteranian Sea is at sea level.  The Dead Sea is 418 meters below sea level. The Caspian Sea is 28 meters below sea level.  The Aral Sea is about 170 meters above sea level.  The Sea of Tranquility is on the moon, about 385,000 kilometers above the earth, although this sea has no water, and therefore can be neglected for most calculations. 

How does Carbon-14 Dating Work?

There are many types of dating; speed dating, double dating, blind dating, group dating.  Each type of dating has its own advantages, and disadvantages.  Double dating gives you additional people to talk with, this is great for combination with blind dating, where your date may not be top notch.  Group dating gives you the chance to scope out possible future dates. 

So, how does the Carbon-14 dating work?  Like internet dating sites it relies on the fact that there are many different factors which can determine that mystical 'compatibility' factor between two people.  However, where internet sites look at many factors, Carbon Dating relies only on age, and it leaves you to do the determination of whether the age is compatible or not.  For example, not every 25 year old female will be compatible with 80 year old billionaires, some may only be interested in 85 year old billionaires, or even 90.  This is where carbon dating comes into play. 

It use to be that the only way to get the age of your date was to drive erratically on the date, get pulled over by the cops, and sneak a peek at their drivers license when the cop asks to see both of your license.  Clearly this is not ideal. 

All life on earth that we know of is composed of carbon, mostly carbon-12, which doesn't date well, lack of proper etiquette I am told.  What makes carbon-14 so good at dating is that it can change.  Girls are always trying to change boys, get them to wear nicer cloths, stop farting in public, and put the toilet seat down.  Carbon-14 can become Nitrogen-14 with a little effort.  This change is not without its drawbacks however.  The carbon must get rid of one electron and one anti-neutrino.  This is not a decision to be take lightly, once gone, they are gone forever.  Or at least until the new improved nitrogen-14 gets an extra neutron.  It can then become carbon-14, but must also get rid of a proton. 

For the carbon dating all you need is a piece of the person you want to date, or already are dating.  This can then be broken down into its constituent atoms and analyzed to see what percentage of the person is composed of the changeable carbon-14.  I have heard it said in relation to marriage that "women marry a man because of who he can become hoping he will change.  A man marries a woman hoping she will always be the same.  Both are disappointed."

So, guys, go for the girls with low C-14, girls go for guys with high C-14.  However, some of the values are distorted here in the atomic age, so for those born roughly after 1945 this type of date has been unreliable, and the drivers license method is preferred. 

It is also important to note that C-14 levels tend to drop with age.  In fact, someone 5568 years old would have only half of the C-14 that was present in their younger years.  It is also worth noting that this type of dating only works on dead things, although some evidence exists to it working with the un-dead as well, if the right tissue sample is taken.

Mr. X asks: How are magnets made?

Bill, if this is you, I swear, I had nothing to do with that escapade.  I told them all that the magnet was too big to use to manually write the file to the hard drive; and I definitely did not approve of the message.  So get off my back Bill.  It is not my fault you can now stick your laptop to the side of your fridge. 

Now then, lets get to the answer.

There are natural magnets, and man-made magnets.  Natural magnets can only be made by God, or natural consequences of complex processes, based on personal preferences.  The man-made magnets can be permanent, or induced, like electromagnets, but all man-made magnets are made by man.

The earliest magnets were stars.  The convective flow of charged plasma creates currents which cause the entire star to produce a magnetic field, resembling a huge electromagnet (seriously, stars are big).  As the stars went about their daily business (eonly business?) they formed Fe(iron), Li(lithium), Un(unobtainium), Kr(kryptonite), NaCl(table salt), Ba(bacon), and etc(other elements).  Iron is the key here, it is present in all naturally occurring magnets, and almost all refrigerator magnets, like Bills computer. 

To create a magnet you need to expose a piece of iron, or iron containing alloy such as compass needles, to a magnetic field.  MRI machines are great places to find magnetic fields, but they are not good for laptops.  Or, um, so I hear.

It works by making all of the individual magnetic elements in the material work together.  Team work is what it is all about.  About team work, remember there is no 'I' in team, but you can spell 'me.'  That, however, has nothing to do with magnets. 

There are several ways to make a magnet useless.  First, hit it with a hammer, this will break it into small pieces which are magnetic, but to small to be useful, this would be like taking apart a car, all the pieces are there, but it isn't good for anything.  Except recycling.  Or throwing at people.  Second, expose it to an opposite magnetic field, this is like trying to get teenage boys to do any meaningful work when there are girls around.  Third, heat it above its Curie point.  This physical property was discovered by Pierre Curie, but he died in 1906, and I don't know how he has been able to keep that property in his name.  Typically when you die your properties go to your next of kin, unless otherwise stated in your will.  I will refer to  this temperature as the Unmagnetizability Temperature.

So, by reverse logic, in addition to making magnets by by exposure to a magnetic field, they can also be made by unhitting a bunch of small magnets with a hammer; unexposing a nonmagnetic material to an opposite magnetic field, or lowering the material below the unmagnetizability temperature.

Hope that helps, <condescending voice>Bill</condescending voice>.

Note about magnetism:   The strength of a magnet is measured in either Gauss or Tesla.  Gauss is the preferred unit when dealing with weapons, while Tesla is more appropriate for applications generating power.  The important thing to remember is that a Tesla is bigger.  If given the option between a 100 Gauss canon and a 0.1 Tesla canon, I will pick the Tesla any day of the week.  Twice on weekends.