Rick J. "What can you tell me about rocks, I have a report on them to do?"

Rocks, eh.  Well most rocks are outside, like Mt. Augustus in Australia, which is the worlds biggest rock.  Rocks are also hard, rock hard to be more precise.  Different rocks have different hardnesses however, this is measured on the Mohr's scale, which ranges from 1 to 10.

1.  Talc (Baby Powder) -- soft as a baby's bottom
2.  Gypsum -- Rocks with the mental capacity of those who believe Gypsies and astrology
3.  Calcite -- Rocks found in heads in California especially Hollywood
4.  Fluorite -- Rocks found in heads of Florida voters
5.  Apatite -- Truck stop biscuits
6.  Moonstone -- Green Cheese
7.  Quartz -- Used for most watches, not hard to get at all
8.  Topaz -- this is a tough one; leave a suggestion in the comments
9.  Corundum -- between a rock and a hard place
10.  Diamond -- A girls best friend (not the dumpy one, the other one)

There are also three basic types of rocks classified by how they are made.  Sedentary, metaphoric, ignominious.

Sedentary rocks are common, they just sit there and do nothing.
Metaphoric rocks are like killing two birds with one stone.
Ignominious rocks are actually used to kill two birds.

You didn't give a page length for your report, but I help this helps.  Additional hints on writing good reports can be found here --> Click Here.

What is a geosynchronous orbit?

This is truly one of the great mysteries of the universe, well, not what it is, but rather how it works.

A geosynchronous orbit is where the satellite completes one revolution for every rotation of the body being orbited. In addition to this, they must both be moving in the same direction (counter-clockwise for the north, clockwise in the south. The reason for this has to do with the use of sun dials in the ancient world. In the north, the suns ecliptic is to the south, generally; in the south it is to the north, again generally. Near the equator people didn't care about the time, it is too hot to worry about such trivial matters. The location of the suns ecliptic caused sun dials in the north to move clockwise. In the south they also moved clockwise, but southern clockwise, which is currently referred to as counter clockwise. After the US civil war when the southerners were defeated the northern definition of clock wise was accepted as the standard). The other thing about the geosynchronous orbit is that it must be positioned over the equator. Otherwise it would be a longitudinalsynchronous orbit, and that name is just too long and hard to say.

So, how does it work? Simple, the phenomenon of "coyotus interruptus" and artificial intelligence. A comprehensive read on cartoon physics including coyotus interruptus can be found on wikipedia. The artificial intelligences make it possible for the satellites to want to be in orbit, but are designed that they are never able to realize that they should be falling. As a result they are in permanent orbit. It is rumored that China has been developing a militaristic 're-education' program for satellites under the code name "Wile E. Coyote" aimed at causing them to fall from the sky. As a result it is recommended that the equator be avoided when ever possible due to the possibility that you could be crushed by a satellite, in addition to the lack of drains working as a result of the suspension of the Coriolis effect at 0 degrees latitude.

Suzan Horn says: "Congratulations." I won the lottery!?

Yesterday I received an e-mail from one Suzan Horn suzanhorn85@live.nl). She informed me that I had won the lottery, what luck, this blog sure ain't paying the bills. I can think of several things I could do with "a lump sum pay out of US$1 m (One Million United States Dollars only)."

But then I remembered something... from my past. I remember vaguely a commercial for the Arizona Lottery stating that "You can't win if you don't play." I don't recall playing or entering "Lottery Winners International program." So, is it possible to win if I don't play? That is the question for today, thanks for the push in the right direction Suzy.

A brief web search for the company lists the company as part of a phishing scam (redundant I think, if you know of any phishing that isn't scam related please leave it in the comments below). Being part of a phishing scam does not mean it is bad, I get phishing e-mail from "e-bay." So the web search is inconclusive.

Close analysis of the e-mail gives two addresses, Suzies given above and this one: CiscoWeb@aol.nl. Both of these are based out of the Netherlands. I would expect a reputable international lottery to take place some where else, like Monocco, or Nigeria, or even Nevada.

Over all, I can't tell if I won or not. So, can you win if you don't play? The answer to your question is easy to find, on Tuesday. If there is no post, I won and retired. A post means I am still poor, and you need to work harder at making this profitable for me.

'Til next time, here's hoping.

What is Dark Matter, and why does it matter to me?

Well, first, why does it matter to you, I don't know. I am not a psychic. But I will wager a guess. You were playing cards, and dark matter cheated and stole all your money. Now you want to know how to kill the dark matter, probably using a clever line like: "My name is anonymous, you stole my money, prepare to die."

First of all I would like to say that your story of the stolen money is rather far fetched. There is no evidence to suggest that dark matter is any more intelligent than a rock. You probably got drunk and someone stole your money while you were sleeping. Then you made up this dark matter story as a cover for explaining to your wife where all the money went.

Regardless of your reason, here is your answer.

The universe is composed of both light and dark matter. Light matter is the matter which we can see, dark matter we only see through its gravitational effects on light matter. Dark matter was first noticed in 1933 by Fritz Zwicky, who gets bonus points for having a name in which the letter 'z' appears twice. Zwicky noticed that some galaxies were spinning to fast. He reported this to his local police chief, but the local police responded that it was out of their jurisdiction. When he published his results he claimed that there was non-visible matter in the universe, and that as a precaution we should never be too careful with our money at poker games. His claims were largely uncorroborated for 40 years, with exceptions in a few saloons Then in the 1960's and 70's astronomers studying galaxy rotation curves. Vera Rubin studied the curves of these galaxies and found them to be disappointingly flat, and not curved at all. As astronomers grew depressed upon realizing that galaxies weren't curvy after all, they began researching dark matter more intensely. It may be they also hope to kill the dark matter, to get them curves back.

Dark matter is difficult to study, but current theories feel that there are several different types of dark matter. These types are divided into two catagories, Baryonic and non-Baryonic dark matter. Non-Baryonic dark matter is sub classified as Hot, Cold, or Tepid.

Baryonic dark matter includes MACHOs (massively compact halo objects). These are similar to captains of your high school football team. They are dense, are not too bright, and every thing revolves around them. These may actually be brown dwarf stars, or neutron stars, or unassociated planets. But it is generally accepted that they are only a small percentage of the total dark matter in the universe.

Hot dark matter is most likely composed of neutrinos. They are briefly discussed at the end of this post here. Neutrinos are not clumpy however, and dark matter is suppose to be clumpy; this is obviously wrong, so moving on.

Cold dark matter is clumpy. It is composed of WIMPs (weakly interacting massive particles). WIMPs only interact through the weak nuclear force and gravity. They also have large masses compared to neutrons and protons (which really isn't a great benchmark to call something massive). Wimps however are purely hypothetical, so also not a good candidate for reality.

Tepid dark matter is a combination of hot and cold dark matter. Most astrophysicists don't believe it exists, but as we learned from Goldilocks; if it's not too hot, or too cold, it must be just right; I'm betting the farm on this one.


Note 1: Some reports indicate that there are dark matter beings trying to destroy our galaxy; but I have it on good authority that the good guys won .

How does e-mail work?

Well, school is out and I have had more important things to do than researching this topic, so I am warning you, I am just shooting from the hip here. But all the same, I did read something about this at one point. So here it is.

First a little history. E-mail was one of the first things on the internet. In fact the internet was developed with e-mail in mind. Of course those computer geeks working on the project referred to it as a document transfer program, that way the could get paid for working on it at work, instead being forced to work on it out of their home in their mothers basements. This was roughly 1972.

The obvious next question is why did they want e-mail in the first place. Well, it is because everyone likes to get mail. Even bills at least show that we are liked, even if we are being used for our money. But these nerds did not get mail. Living with their parents they got no bills. Their other nerdy friends were afraid to go out in the sun to walk to the mail box to send off a letter. So, they needed a forum where they could get mail with out leaving their computer. One of the most sublime hopes for this was to meet girls. These nerds were smart people and knew that statistically there must be a girl out there who would find them hot.

This can be seen in some of the early names of e-mail programs. Names like Hotmail (subtlety was not their strong point at first), NetZero (Collective number of dates they had been on in the previous 5 years), Juno (likening Alaskan weather to the cold female reception they received), or Yahoo (one of them got a date).

So now that you know the history of e-mail I can tell you how it works. E-mail is just a text file send over the network as a bunch of 1's and 0's. The computer then reads the numbers and forms words and stuff for you to read. Encrypted e-mail uses roman numerals instead of the Arabic numbers.

I hope that helps.

Note: The symbol "@" has no official name. "?!" does, it is called an interrobang. Seriously.

Note 2: Don't even get me started on why people start blogs.

How does a Uranium gas centrifuge work?

There are two main isotopes of Uranium, U-238 and U-235.  U-235 has a shorter half life, which means it will die young, well, younger than U-238.  This makes it very active, just like you would be if you found out you only have 2 weeks to live.  This increased activity makes it hard to hold down, which is what centrifuges try to do, hold you down.  Well, U-235 sticks it to the man, or rather centrifuge, and moves to the center while the more lackadaisical U-238 is complacent and allows itself to be held down.

The U-235 which has overcome the oppressive forces of the man, er, centrifuge spinning at up to 100,000 rpm, is then removed and placed in a new centrifuge.  This process is repeated numerous times.  After this cascade of purification the concentration of U-235 has increased from about 0.7 percent in unprocessed ore, to about 4% for power plant operations; or up to 90% for weapons applications. 

Those isotopes lucky enough to be chosen for the weapons of mass destruction then have the opportunity to rot away in forgotten silos and never be used, and the brochures made it sound so promising and fun.  They will never get the chance to fulfill their dream and go out with a bang; with the possible exception of Iranian U-235, those are the lucky isotopes.

What is the difference between hardwood and softwood?

This is a delicate subject, I do not wish to offend any of my 3 readers, but hardwood and softwood is related to sex.  Tree sex to be exact, hence the wood part of the question. 

Trees have flowers, on fruit trees these are easy to see.  On other trees they look less flowerish, like pine trees.  But trust me, they are there.  These flowers are composed of a pistil and a stamen.  The stamen is the boy part and makes pollen.  The pistil is the girl part and makes babies, I mean seeds.  In many instances bees are required to interact with the pistil and stamen forming a potent pollinating threesome. 

After this fraternizing some trees will surround the babies, seeds, with fruit, or an acorn, or something.  These are called angiosperms.  Others let the seeds fall to the ground with no covering; these are deadbeat dad trees, or gymnosperms.  An easy way to tell them apart is that evergreens are soft woods (deadbeats), and deciduous trees are hard woods.

So there you have it.  Straight grained fir has a hardness of about 700 on the Janka hardness scale (bigger numbers are harder) and can be used for hardwood floors, but it is really a softwood.  Balsa on the other hand, with a hardness of about 100, and used for making model airplanes because it is so soft and pliable, is a hardwood. 

So, why are the deadbeats soft woods, and trees with nuts hard woods?  I don't know, go ask your dad.

How is sea level determined?

Sea level is determined by the magic of time averaging.  If I recall correctly this is done by math.  GPS receivers and transmitters are distributed over the oceans based on surface area.  The Pacific Ocean gets 162, one for each million square kilometers, the Atlantic Ocean gets 82, Indian - 73, Southern - 20, and the Arctic - 14.  It is important to note that using the numbers based on the square kilometers, not square miles will yield the metric sea level. 

Originally the GPS devices were attached to plastic floaty things.  But these are not biodegradable, and many people complained.  As a result now days scientists have moved to biodegradable materials, namely the skinned carcases of clubbed baby seals.  Visit this link for a shirt to protest clubbing baby seals.  All the results from the seals are compiled and averaged, giving an accurate measure of sea level. 

NOTE:  The sea level seems to be rising, there are several theories.  First, it is melting ice caps due to global warming.  Second, thermal expansion of water, again due to global warming.  Third, it is all in your head caused by delusion brought on by, you guessed it, global warming.

It is also important to note that "sea" level is actually "ocean" level.  Sea's vary in their height.  For example, the Mediteranian Sea is at sea level.  The Dead Sea is 418 meters below sea level. The Caspian Sea is 28 meters below sea level.  The Aral Sea is about 170 meters above sea level.  The Sea of Tranquility is on the moon, about 385,000 kilometers above the earth, although this sea has no water, and therefore can be neglected for most calculations. 

How does Carbon-14 Dating Work?

There are many types of dating; speed dating, double dating, blind dating, group dating.  Each type of dating has its own advantages, and disadvantages.  Double dating gives you additional people to talk with, this is great for combination with blind dating, where your date may not be top notch.  Group dating gives you the chance to scope out possible future dates. 

So, how does the Carbon-14 dating work?  Like internet dating sites it relies on the fact that there are many different factors which can determine that mystical 'compatibility' factor between two people.  However, where internet sites look at many factors, Carbon Dating relies only on age, and it leaves you to do the determination of whether the age is compatible or not.  For example, not every 25 year old female will be compatible with 80 year old billionaires, some may only be interested in 85 year old billionaires, or even 90.  This is where carbon dating comes into play. 

It use to be that the only way to get the age of your date was to drive erratically on the date, get pulled over by the cops, and sneak a peek at their drivers license when the cop asks to see both of your license.  Clearly this is not ideal. 

All life on earth that we know of is composed of carbon, mostly carbon-12, which doesn't date well, lack of proper etiquette I am told.  What makes carbon-14 so good at dating is that it can change.  Girls are always trying to change boys, get them to wear nicer cloths, stop farting in public, and put the toilet seat down.  Carbon-14 can become Nitrogen-14 with a little effort.  This change is not without its drawbacks however.  The carbon must get rid of one electron and one anti-neutrino.  This is not a decision to be take lightly, once gone, they are gone forever.  Or at least until the new improved nitrogen-14 gets an extra neutron.  It can then become carbon-14, but must also get rid of a proton. 

For the carbon dating all you need is a piece of the person you want to date, or already are dating.  This can then be broken down into its constituent atoms and analyzed to see what percentage of the person is composed of the changeable carbon-14.  I have heard it said in relation to marriage that "women marry a man because of who he can become hoping he will change.  A man marries a woman hoping she will always be the same.  Both are disappointed."

So, guys, go for the girls with low C-14, girls go for guys with high C-14.  However, some of the values are distorted here in the atomic age, so for those born roughly after 1945 this type of date has been unreliable, and the drivers license method is preferred. 

It is also important to note that C-14 levels tend to drop with age.  In fact, someone 5568 years old would have only half of the C-14 that was present in their younger years.  It is also worth noting that this type of dating only works on dead things, although some evidence exists to it working with the un-dead as well, if the right tissue sample is taken.

Mr. X asks: How are magnets made?

Bill, if this is you, I swear, I had nothing to do with that escapade.  I told them all that the magnet was too big to use to manually write the file to the hard drive; and I definitely did not approve of the message.  So get off my back Bill.  It is not my fault you can now stick your laptop to the side of your fridge. 

Now then, lets get to the answer.

There are natural magnets, and man-made magnets.  Natural magnets can only be made by God, or natural consequences of complex processes, based on personal preferences.  The man-made magnets can be permanent, or induced, like electromagnets, but all man-made magnets are made by man.

The earliest magnets were stars.  The convective flow of charged plasma creates currents which cause the entire star to produce a magnetic field, resembling a huge electromagnet (seriously, stars are big).  As the stars went about their daily business (eonly business?) they formed Fe(iron), Li(lithium), Un(unobtainium), Kr(kryptonite), NaCl(table salt), Ba(bacon), and etc(other elements).  Iron is the key here, it is present in all naturally occurring magnets, and almost all refrigerator magnets, like Bills computer. 

To create a magnet you need to expose a piece of iron, or iron containing alloy such as compass needles, to a magnetic field.  MRI machines are great places to find magnetic fields, but they are not good for laptops.  Or, um, so I hear.

It works by making all of the individual magnetic elements in the material work together.  Team work is what it is all about.  About team work, remember there is no 'I' in team, but you can spell 'me.'  That, however, has nothing to do with magnets. 

There are several ways to make a magnet useless.  First, hit it with a hammer, this will break it into small pieces which are magnetic, but to small to be useful, this would be like taking apart a car, all the pieces are there, but it isn't good for anything.  Except recycling.  Or throwing at people.  Second, expose it to an opposite magnetic field, this is like trying to get teenage boys to do any meaningful work when there are girls around.  Third, heat it above its Curie point.  This physical property was discovered by Pierre Curie, but he died in 1906, and I don't know how he has been able to keep that property in his name.  Typically when you die your properties go to your next of kin, unless otherwise stated in your will.  I will refer to  this temperature as the Unmagnetizability Temperature.

So, by reverse logic, in addition to making magnets by by exposure to a magnetic field, they can also be made by unhitting a bunch of small magnets with a hammer; unexposing a nonmagnetic material to an opposite magnetic field, or lowering the material below the unmagnetizability temperature.

Hope that helps, <condescending voice>Bill</condescending voice>.

Note about magnetism:   The strength of a magnet is measured in either Gauss or Tesla.  Gauss is the preferred unit when dealing with weapons, while Tesla is more appropriate for applications generating power.  The important thing to remember is that a Tesla is bigger.  If given the option between a 100 Gauss canon and a 0.1 Tesla canon, I will pick the Tesla any day of the week.  Twice on weekends.